Blogs from Jupiter

Been bad again. Sunday’s homily hit me on the bull’s eye. The worst devil to fight is really the devil in you.

It is hard to change because people are innately stubborn especially if it concerns going out of our comfort zones, going against our convictions and just trying to be aware of our deep-seated habits especially the bad ones. Everyday is a struggle to be good and to do what is right.

But lately, I realize I have been so hard on me. I have given myself standards that I could not reach. But then again, is setting high standards wrong? Actually, the more I set goals, the more I fail.

I promised a lot of things to God. I told Him that I will do this and I will do that. I ended up not doing it. I did two steps forward but four steps backward. After experiencing grace, I instantly experience fall. It is an endless cycle of good, bad, good, bad, bad, good, bad, bad, bad, a downward spiral. Things are getting so futile.

But I am not that desperate. I’ve been telling myself one step at a time. Change does not happen overnight. Please calm us, still our restless souls, allow us to breathe were my prayers. I’ve been allowing change to take its course. I’ve been going with the flow, just hanging on to this faith, but I feel there’s no direction yet.

I don’t know what I am going through. It’s just all restlessness. That’s what I feel now.