Blogs from Jupiter

Literally, I am not toxic. Nor was I poisoned or ate too much food with formalin or lead. I am toxic because a simple thing will take you ages to understand. I am toxic because they cannot understand an English word I say. This has always been my problem every time I am in China. You have to be an expert in the game charades.

I asked for a cold drink, they gave me hot tea. I ordered a chicken meal with all the works in KFC here and they only gave me the fries (I pointed to the whole meal in the flyer, apparently the one taking the order thought that I was only after the fries). I ordered for siolungpao (siopao), and I ended up with one big plate of steamed broccoli! Sheeesh!

In my hotel, I requested for some help, and it took the whole caboodle, five hotel staff including the supervisor to figure out what I wanted. When you tell them that you cannot understand Chinese, and you start speaking in English, they run and avoid you: “Sorry. I cannot understand English. Goodbye!” Of course, they smile at you. But man! They are bleeeeeeding trying to understand you.

A few years ago, I was in Shanghai shopping. I was looking for cufflinks. Of course, the saleslady did not understand what I wanted so I demonstrated what cufflinks are using the long sleeve shirt being worn by a mannequin. She came back with a bracelet. I said no and then she left again and then she came back this time with a watch. I said cufflinks, and she just uttered again what I said. She called for her supervisor and I demonstrated the same to her. The supervisor gave me buttons. Other shoppers saw my frustration. So they joined our charades. I say cufflinks and they say again what I say in chorus… cufflinks!

One last time, using the mannequin’s long sleeved shirt, I demonstrated again cufflinks. Now, using my left hand, I connected my pointy finger with my thumb creating that circle we know as the sign of money. I slowly inserted the pointy finger of my right hand through the circle I created with my left hand. And I twisted my right hand demonstrating how cufflinks are locked.

They were all shocked with what I did. The supervisor said no. They didn’t have cufflinks. But everyone had a good laugh with our game.

Also in Shanghai, I was billeted in a hotel near the venue of our event. My bosses checked in in a different hotel. The distance was like from Makati to Quezon City. It was easy to go to my bosses’ hotel because everyone knows where the Hyatt is. The problem was going back to my hotel. I forgot my hotel’s business card, which I should be presenting to the cab driver. Every time I call for a taxi and say the name of my hotel, the drivers would decline me because I was saying it the wrong way. I was forced to walk and I was walking for almost two hours.

Here in Nanning, our conference coordinators were so stressed trying to explain things to us. One coordinator almost freaked out because she was having a hard time explaining last minute changes with our schedule. “I am sorry. I don’t know how to express myself. Please forgive me.” Yes, my dear, you are so so forgiven!

Things are slow here. In the forums, the Chinese speaker has to stop to give way to an English translation. When I did my presentation, I was speaking in English. I made sure that my Chinese translator got my messages well. A 10 minute presentation took me 25 minutes to finish.

Nevertheless, all went well with our presentations and exhibits. The Chinese love grand ceremonies and it was fun watching the rituals, the fireworks, the pageantry and all.