Blogs from Jupiter

I just finished reading and replying to all email messages expressing prayers and condolences to our family. I thank all of you for taking time to read my blogs. Thank you too to those who posted their nice comments. The sadness was really like sinking in deep water. Thank you again for crying with us.

When Papa was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the doctors gave him three months to live. If he underwent the first cycle of chemo and survived it, his life could have been extended for another six months, and with continuous chemotherapy and radiation, he might have been extended for another year or two.

Papa decided not to undergo chemo. Because, first, his medication was so expensive, and second, he thinks that he might not survive the therapy. We told him that we are willing to move mountains just to have him cured. A friend was of mine was able to workout free chemotherapy from one pharmaceutical company from start to finish, all medical expenses paid. But sad to say that Papa turned this down as well. But despite his decision, we see him fighting the disease… for us… not for himself.

We had dad for four months, we have a month bonus from the original three months that the doctors told us. And we really made sure that love hovered in our home. We made sure especially Mama that we serve him well. The family got really close as we rally behind Dad.

The most painful part of the process was that you get to really serve and express love to a parent when his or her time is about to come. But you see, we really can’t tell when one is going to die. And despite acceptance, you can never be really prepared. Dad’s last four months with us were not enough.

Papa was prepared to die based from his letters to us. And Papa told Mama since last year that he was not feeling well. He always had his annual medical check up last year, and last year, he was given a clean bill for his health. The irony is that Papa doesn’t smoke, and still he had lung cancer.

We’re okay now. I guess the feeling of loss can never be totally eradicated. It rained, the heavens mourned when Papa was finally turned into ashes, and as I celebrate my birthday today, the heavens are still mourning. It was raining a few hours ago, but it felt like I was also being blessed by heavenly water.

To those who still have a parent or their parents around, let us really take good care of them. They may have their shortcomings but God gave them to us for a reason, which He only knows. We can never go wrong in honoring them. God will bless us.

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I had a solemn celebration of my 31^st birthday today. I took a leave from the office, and went around visiting my favorite churches for prayers: San Miguel in Malacanang, Sta. Teresita de Nino Jesus in Mayon, and Lourdes in Retiro.

I decided not to happily celebrate because we’re still within the 40-day mourning period. A number of Papa’s friends honored him by not celebrating their birthdays as well. And it is just but fitting and proper that I do the same thing.

The weather today is a bit rainy. The same weather when Papa was cremated. I am still sad and mourning. But today is different; it felt like the heavens were blessing me.

Today I honored St. Michael and St. Therese who have always helped me with my prayers. And in honor of Papa, I prayed to the Blessed Mother to continue to protect and guide our family. And of course, prayers to my heavenly angels and prayers for my earthly angels.

In awhile, my family will have thanksgiving dinner. I plan to sleep early so I could go work early to catch up with my absence today.

Tomorrow, I’ll have thanksgiving meal with my officemates.